A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch
King Charles I said, “Never make a defense or an apology until you are accused.” Things sure haven’t changed much since the 1600’s. It seems like every day, someone in politics is apologizing for something stupid. Who am I kidding. It is more like every couple of hours. My personal favorites are when they say they are sorry and then in the next sentence, explain that it was because they weren’t really at fault.
I could elaborate for hours on how the President is sorry he has to separate children from their parents because of the Democrats. I won’t though. After all. This is a technology column, not political.
In the technology world, we have our own “Apologizer in Chief”. Mark Zuckerberg founded Facebook in 2004 and made his first privacy apology in 2007: “We simply did a bad job with this release and I apologize for it.” In 2010 he made another apology: “We just missed the mark,” he said. “We heard the feedback.” Then there was an apology in 2011: “I’m the first to admit that we’ve made a bunch of mistakes.” There have been many other apologies from Mr. Zuckerberg. Maybe his apology tour will be the culmination.
Of course, Facebook isn’t the only tech company that has recently made a confession and an apology. Apple is sorry they slowed down older phones. Uber didn’t know their drivers did naughty things. Sony is always regretting something. Wells Fargo is so sorry that they re‑invented the company. I can’t remember if Equifax apologized or not. One of my favorite apologies was when the Twitter CEO was sorry that he ate at Chick‑fil‑A.
With all of the apology fever going around, I thought I had better make an apology or two myself. After all, apologies are serious business. I’m more or less a serious guy.
I’d like to apologize to the computer club for publishing last months newsletter on Thursday. I know that everyone expects it on the Monday before the meeting. Although I’ve attempted to find someone or something to blame it on, it was late due solely to my own laziness. I hope that no one was too severely inconvenienced.
I would like to apologize to the Golden Triangle Computer Club for the bad joke I made at one of their meetings. When a Norton Utilities Disk was the featured door prize, I told them I hoped I would win it. Then I could throw it in the trash and there would be one less Norton program in the world. Although I made the comment in a moment of complete lucidity, I certainly regret offending any Texans.
Lastly, I would like to give a sincere apology to all of the companies whose EULA’s I claim to have actually read. As everyone knows, “End User License Agreements” are very important in the computer world. Like many other people I have many times clicked that little box that says I have read and understand everything in their short documents. Actually, I have never read them. I use a program and a couple of websites that do it for me. I’m so sorry that I deceived the affected companies.
I was going to apologize to the reader for writing this article, but I’m not sorry I did. I started with a quote and I’ll finish with one from Jim Bouton: “It never hurts to apologize, especially if you don’t mean it.”
Thanks for reading.