Today, I have to work on the reasons to "Visit My Place" list.

The Best Things About Hell

None of that discriminatory and annoying check-in procedure like with St. Peter.
Plenty of legal help available for "wrongful death" lawsuits.
No better entertainment than my confused attempts to torture masochists.
Sure it's hot, but it's a "dry" heat.
Free daily prostate checks.
You can sit in on a presidential poker game with Nixon, Harding, and LBJ until Clinton gets here.
Karaoke with Sinatra every Thursday.
Everywhere you look, there is a smoking sections.
Rasslin' is real.  Vlad the Impaler still wears the championship belt.
Free Microsoft software (I get it free, based on a certain deal made in early 80's).
Free prostate checks and PAP smears administered daily.
Due to health code changes, vats of boiling brimstone now use lowfat canola oil..