Politicians Thoughts on the Holidays

Republicans say “Merry Christmas!”
Democrats say “Happy Holidays!”

Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army.
Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.

Democrats get back at the Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes.
Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.

Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve.
Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning.

When toasting the holidays, Republicans ask for eggnog or mulled wine.
Democrats ask for a “Bud.”

When not in stores, Republicans shop from a catalog.
Democrats watch for “incredible TV offers” on late night television.

Democrats do much of their shopping at Target and Wal-Mart.
So do Republicans, but they don’t admit it.

Republican parents have no problem buying toy guns for their kids.
Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend to shoot each other with dolls.

Republicans spends hundreds of dollars and hours of work decorating the yard with outdoor lights and Christmas displays.
Democrats save their time and money, and drive around at night to look at other people’s lights.

Democrats’ favorite Christmas movie is “Miracle on 34th Street.”
Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is “It’s a Wonderful Life.”
Right Wing Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is “Die Hard.”

Republicans always take the price tag off expensive gifts before wrapping.
Democrats also remove price tags off pricey gifts.  They reposition them to make sure they are seen.

Republicans wear wide red ties and green sports jackets during the festive season.
Democrats do too, all year round.

Most Republicans try enclosing indulgent, wretchedly maudlin form letters about their families in their Christmas cards.
Public ridicule from Democrats usually discourages them from doing it again.

Democrats’ favorite Christmas carol is “Deck the Halls.”
Young Democrats’ favorite Christmas carol is “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.”
Republicans’ favorite Christmas carol is “White Christmas.”
Young Republicans’ favorite Christmas carol is “White Christmas.”

Cheapskate Republicans buy an artificial Christmas tree.
Tight fisted Democrats buy a real tree, but they wait until the week before Christmas when the lots lower their prices.

Democrat men like to watch football while the women fix holiday meals.
On this, Republicans are in full agreement.

Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their children play “Cowboys and Indians.”
Democrats don’t either, as long as the Indians win.

Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus.
Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus.