A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch
I was looking over my past articles that I’ve written in December for the club newsletter. Out of seven of them, all but one started with “Bah! Humbug!” Almost immediately, a little guy sitting on my shoulder in a white suit whispered in my right ear, “That isn’t very Christmas like. You should get in the spirit of the holiday. Why don’t you write something positive for a change?” Then another little man in a red suit sitting on the other shoulder whispered in the left ear, “Start with the Bah! Humbug! You don’t want your reading audience to think you’ve changed your focus.” A conversation between those two little guys followed:
Little Guy in White (LGW): You should write about how Christmas is giving and not receiving.
Little Guy in Red (LGR): The readers would rather know about how to write a computer virus.
LGW: How about a nice story of the great food you can eat at Christmas time.
LGR: They would probably like a story about “passing gas” apps you can download from the Play Store.
LGW: You know you shouldn’t listen to that red guy. Write an article on how to get free programs.
LGR: That’s what I said. Most of the gas apps are free.
LWG: You’ve done so many of those kind of stories in the past. This year you should write about Christmas joy and harmony.
LGR: You know that it is so much more fun to make up something out of your imagination.
LGW: Maybe you could write an informative story about how Facebook and Twitter manipulated their new feeds to get that guy with the orange hair elected.
LGR: That’s actually not a bad idea. You could talk about how stupid users are to believe that stuff.
LGW: I’ve got it. Write a funny story about Christmas shopping on Black Friday.
LGR: That’s got some possibilities. The crowds, the deals that really aren’t so great, the greediness, etc.
LWG: You should try writing something that will make people laugh.
LGR: Are we back to “passing gas” apps?
LGW: Whatever you decide to write, do it quick. It’s almost deadline time.
LGR: We finally agree on something.
LGW: How about another one of those informative articles on how to use the clubs web site?
LGR: Now you’re hallucinating. Nobody will use an article like that.
LGW: Bah! Humbug!
Thanks for reading.