A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch
Back in the last century, I had a nifty little electronic gadget on my keyring. It did only one thing. If you pushed the button, it would indicate if there was a wireless network in range. Back then, most networks were not secure and it was easy to get online.
Electronic gadgets have come a long way since then. Many people have there own favorite gadget, everything from a remote control to a robot that vacuums the floor. Even the military has gadgets they use to blow up things. In my opinion, many of them are useless. There are many new technologies others have that I just don’t care about.
By now I bet you’ve figured out that this article is going to be about some high-tech devices that I can live without. The cell phone might be one of the most annoying gadgets ever. I got my first cell phone about five years ago. When I first moved to Louisiana, my daughter put the wife and me on her family plan and gave us both a phone. Even people that can’t live without a cell phone would have to admit that they are often annoying beyond human endurance. The photos and movies they take can lead to all kinds of problems. They can be awful scary. When driving, you have to watch out for the cell phone packing motorist. When carrying one, you have to worry about being tracked. When using one, you have to worry about the controversial possibility that the thing is slowly cooking your brain. There isn’t a whole lot of privacy any more. Don’t you just love it when you’re sitting in a movie and someones cell phone rings? After all of the ranting, I have to tell you that I’ve put myself in a position where I can’t live without the darn thing. I’ve carried a pocket PC for years. Everyone says they have a cell phone. I tell people that I have a pocket PC with phone capabilities. If an incoming call is not in my contacts list, it goes straight to my voice mail. I don’t need to sign up for the National No Call Registry. If I don’t know who is calling, I just don’t answer the darn thing.
The miniature keyboard is something I can do without. One of the attractions of my pocket PC (cell phone) was the great keyboard. I even wrote an article for the club newsletter on the thing. Since then, I have hardly pulled it out. Usually, it is just not worth the effort. A while back, I received an e-mail that closed, “Sent from my mobile phone. Please excuse any typos.” As Colonel Potter often said on MASH, “Horse hockey!”. (Once he changed it to “Cow cookies”). I’m sorry, but I am not buying in to the notion that I should forgive poor grammar, bad spelling, or indecipherable texting because the sender is using a device with a lousy keyboard.
I think the Web cam is one of the dumbest inventions ever. Why in the world would I or anyone else want to show the world how they look in the morning? Why should I have to put on a shirt before sitting down to my computer? Why should I have to feel that big brother is constantly peering over my shoulder? You can turn the darned things off, but are you sure that electronic eyeball staring you in the face is really off?
You don’t see electronic pagers much anymore. The last time I saw one, I was at a local restaurant. They paged you when it was your turn to give them some of your money. Talk about making you feel important. “Dr. Tiny, we have your table prepared with some surgical instruments. Please come to the check in counter. We’re finished testing your patience level. Remember to bring your useless gadget.”
Speaking of useless gadgets, how effective can a battery powered robot that automatically vacuums the floor be? Can that Roomba do a good job as small as it is? Maybe if you got one of those robot doggies, you could use your Roomba as a robot doggie pooper scooper.
I’m still undecided whether or not I like dedicated e-readers. My Archos tablet has e-book software that works pretty good for me. The advantages that I miss out on are being able to read in bright sunlight and a much longer battery life. Since I am seldom out of the shade for very long and I’ve got plenty of electric outlets, I’m not too worried. I don’t have a dedicated e-reader, but I can not only read a book, but write one, listen to the radio and play a game or two.
I quit smoking a few years ago. Lately, I’ve seen advertisements for an electronic cigarette. I’m pretty sure that’s another gadget that will end up in the junk drawer next to the key chain camera, the electric knife and the clapper.
I’ve got to go now. I’ve been busy searching the internet for a new gadget. I’ve been looking for a Swiss Army Knife with USB capabilities. I hope I can find one that is upgradeable.
Thanks for reading.