A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch
It’s that time of year again! Did you keep all of the New Year resolutions you made a year ago? Me neither. I think it’s because I haven’t been making the right resolutions. This year is going to be different. I’m going to keep all of my resolutions. How can I be so sure? It’s simple. I’m going to resolve only one thing.
You’ve heard the saying that there is an app for everything? I think it might be true. This year, I am resolving not to download and install any of the following applications.
1) Ghost Radar uses your device to scan for paranormal activity and alert you when ghosts are present.
2) PeeperPeeper is one of the most useless utilities I’ve seen. It takes a picture whenever you open a messaging application. This will supposedly give you proof that someone is reading your messages.
3) Fake Battery is supposed to help you not have to lend someone your phone. You can tell them “Sorry, my battery is low.”
4) Poop Log is the application you need if you want to keep track of important things like size, amount, color, frequency, etc. This is much more information than I need to know.
5) Flying Poo appears to be a game in where you have to use your finger to find Mr. Poo a new home.
6) The Dental Video Lexicon is just the app you need if you want to watch dental operations. Open wide and say “mafapqjdqieck”.
7) Got Cash? Prove it! Show everyone that you have enough cash to buy useless $200 app! Who wants milk, anyway? You’ve just read the developers description on the Play Store. It has a 5.0 rating (one vote). Surprisingly, there has been some downloads.
8) Nothing does nothing for the same price.
9) Motion Fart uses the sensor in your phone to allow you to fart by lifting your leg.
10) Idiot Detector is an application that I was tempted to try. Then I realized that it was not needed.
There you have it. Ten applications that I recommend you DO NOT install. They are all real programs available from the Google Play Store. I didn’t check if any of them are also on iTunes or Windows. I don’t know what amazes me more: the fact that some one writes these types of apps, or that other people actually download them.
Thanks for reading.