Tinys World of Technology BS

Medical Technology
By Tiny Ruisch

Unfortunately, I recently got to experience some modern medical technology up close and personal.  I’ve made a few random observations.

On a Saturday morning, I had some severe urinary problems and went to the emergency room at Christus hospital.  I deliberately picked Christus because that is the one my family doctor is affiliated with.  They are all on the same computer network and it should be easy for him to get copies of all the reports.  Guess again.

Of course, the first thing the emergency room did was take a bunch of blood for testing.  I explained that I had just completed my annual blood work that week.  I suppose those reports weren’t fresh enough.  After all, they were three days old.  Oh well. I was in way too much pain to try and reason with them.  They gave me some medications and sent me home with instructions to call if I wasn’t better the next day.

On Sunday, I disregarded the instructions.  I was in so much pain that I didn’t call.  My wife and daughter took me back to the emergency room.  If you guessed that I needed more blood tests, you’re a good guesser.  I asked if they thought my blood counts had really changed in the last 24 hours.  The answer was no, but rules are rules.  Luckily, I have a lot of veins in my body.

After a really painful day, I learned an important lesson about medical equipment.  Catheter should really be spelled with four letters.

My urologist scheduled me for surgery at the Lake Area Medical Center.  They have a real nifty system there.  Before being admitted for surgery, you have to spend a day doing all the pre-admission stuff.  Of course, this included another blood donation.  I was beginning to wonder if I kept failing the test.  I’ll bet the nurses said, “Keep sticking a needle in him until he gets it right!”

I also had the pleasure of another MRI to duplicate the one the emergency room people did.  I was beginning to see why health care costs are so high.  I also got an EKG.  That made me feel special since it was the only one.

I finally finished all of my tests and got all of my admission papers signed and copied.  I’ve seen plenty of long, complicated computer software EULAs.  They were nothing compared to the 28 pages it took to explain all of the rights and responsibilities etc. for both the hospital and myself.  I like to read anything I sign, so it took me quite a while.  I hope I didn’t need a lawyer.

Finally, the big day arrived.  The first thing I had to do was sign the admission papers.  There were 28 pages of them.  Page for page they were exactly the same as I had just signed a few days earlier.  Only the dates were changed.  I guess that was probably to protect the innocent.

I finally got to my room.  The nurse came in and started to prep me for surgery.  The first thing she asked me was what I was there for.  I chuckled, told her and commented that I was sure nobody else wanted to go through my procedure.  She got me dressed in a technological advanced gown.  It was a simple, light weight and opened in the back.  I suppose that was for easy access to the bathroom.  She started my intravenous tube.  She also outfitted me with a pair of compression socks and an air pump to keep the blood circulating in my legs.

A little later, the operating room nurse came in to brief me.  The first thing she asked me was what I was there for.  She then told me what to expect when I got into the operating room.  She told me the anesthesiologist would soon come by to talk to me.

Sure enough, about 15 minutes later, there she was.  The first thing the anesthesiologist asked me was what I was there for.  I said I was starting to get a little concerned because everyone asked me the same thing.  She told me that they all asked me to avoid confusion and to make sure they were talking to the correct patient.  I immediately double checked my plastic wrist bracelet.  My name was still correct on it.

Finally, my urologist came in to tell me I was next in line and he’d be ready in about 20 minutes.  I was sure glad he didn’t ask me what I was there for.

When I woke up in my hospital room, I was hooked up to several monitors.  One measured the oxygen content in my blood.  Almost every time I fell asleep, my oxygen level fell and a piercing alarm would sound.  It made for a pretty miserable night.

I’d have to say that modern medical technology didn’t do much to give me a smooth, tranquil experience.  All I noticed was a lot of redundancy.  Then again, I’m pretty sure I’ve been cured.

My mind is empty again.  Thanks for reading.