A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch
My oldest Grandson just got his Learner’s Permit and has become the official driver for many of our family outings. That got me to thinking about the fact that I never cared much for driving. I didn’t get my first driving license until I joined the Navy. For some reason, they needed it for identification purposes. I guess that the automobile is just one of those things I have that I could easily live without. If Lake Charles had a decent city bus system, I probably wouldn’t drive at all.
Like so many other things, our vehicles are loaded with computers and other technology. I’ve decided that I could live without most of it.
When the check engine light in my pickup goes on, I can’t hit CTRL-ALT-DEL, start the task manager and begin diagnosing the problem. I’m stuck with visiting a repair place that is certified to do the repair. I know I can interface with my vehicle’s computer. Of course, to do it efficiently would cost at least a hundred dollars for the proper equipment and the software. Then I would still probably end up having to go to the certified technician for my repair.
Do I really need to have a computer tell me when I need to stop and check the air pressure in my tires? Could a missed firmware update cause a flat tire? Do I want to take a chance on my transportation being infected with a computer virus? I guess there isn’t any sense in complaining. Computer chips in our automobiles are here to stay. Since we have them, I can only wish the technicians would install some useful programming.
I remember a Plymouth my father had when I was a young man. It had a push button gear shift. On the left side of the dashboard was a light sensor that automatically dimmed the headlights whenever another car approached. Your headlights also dimmed when they were reflected off of a white building. I wonder why the designers/technicians have decided automatic dimmers aren’t as important as your tire pressure?
I wish that someone would invent an automobile application that automatically turns on the radio and tunes in programs I want to listen to. I would never miss Kim, Leo or Ira again. A good program could also change the station when a show I don’t like comes on.
If that GPS thing knows where I stop to use the toilet and can help them unlock my car from afar, why can’t they program my vehicle to hit the brakes when an accident is imminent? It would sure be a lot cheaper than my car telephoning for the ambulance.
I sure wish they would hurry up and invent those robot car drivers that I’ve read about for years in the Popular Science magazine. Then we wouldn’t have to worry about the other driver talking on the phone, reading the newspaper, eating their lunch, combing their hair, etc.
How come automobiles don’t have a program that keeps them from drifting into the adjacent lane? Couldn’t they put in a subroutine so the car will stop when the traffic light turns yellow? I sure hope they put in a line or two of code to stop tailgating.
I think they should incorporate Bluetooth into our automobiles. When you can’t find you car in the parking lot, you just pull out your smart phone and locate your network. Of course, you’d have to be within 30 feet of where you parked.
Wouldn’t it be nice if you could just say, “Play CD” and your sound system would start. You could say “Set cruise control” and never get a speeding ticket. Sometimes I’d like to say “Eject passenger”, but that would probably be illegal.
Enough of my wishful thinking. They’ve already made the best technological advancement possible. You can plug your coffee cup in and keep the coffee hot. What will they think of next?
Thanks for reading.