A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch
Here they come again! This is the time of the year when the Holiday idiots show their true colors to the rest of the world. So many people at this time of year forget to stop and think. Others remember to stop, but forget to think.
I’m writing this article in October, but I’ll bet I can predict the news reports we’ll get on November 1. Some poor kid will get either razor blades or poison in their candy. Dentist’s will buy Halloween candy by the pound. Convenience stores will get robbed by people in their Halloween costumes. Someone will get run over by a drunken driver.
October and November is also when tech companies make all their new product announcements. Do you think it has anything to do with the upcoming Christmas season? So far, this years announcements have been more ironic than usual. Apple announced a seven inch iPad. Makes me wonder if Steve Jobs was wrong on any other predictions? Microsoft is making a foray into the hardware business. Google is increasing the pressure on both software and hardware rivals. The only thing I can’t figure out is why, If they can afford to sue each other for billions of dollars, can’t they lower their prices a little.
Halloween is followed by an even scarier holiday – Thanksgiving. If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, your spouse has never taken you out for Black Friday Shopping. I’m a fan of good shopping deals, but not if they come at the risk of life and limb. The Thanksgiving news stories are also the same every year. There will be at least one customer trampled to death when the doors are opened on Friday. Isn’t it strange that it usually happens at a Walmart? Is it because they are the biggest retailer? Do they have the best deals? Could it be that their customers are less intelligent?
Other news stories for this holiday will include the celebrities that are working in the soup lines. Is it a publicity stunt, or do they do it year round without making headlines? My personal favorites are the people that have to do community service for drunken driving and then get the free publicity. Lets not forget about all of the Turkey jokes we’ll see on the internet. For some reason, I think a lot of them this year will have Sesame Streets Big Bird in the punch line.
After we struggle through the Thanksgiving holiday, we can look forward to being bombarded with advertising for all kinds of technology to put under the Christmas tree. It’s a shame that most of it is so overpriced. Do you suppose that might account for the increasing crime rate that seems to occur around the end of the year?
Once again, we get to read about the celebrities feeding the downtrodden. At Christmas time, we seem to get more politicians manning the ladles. I can never figure out why that is. The elections are over for the year. The only thing I really like about this holiday is the after holiday sales.
When I was younger, I used to really worry about meeting a drunken driver on the highway. The holidays were a reason for extra anxiety, but thanks to technology, we don’t have to worry about getting killed by a drunk. If you get in an accident, it will most surely be due to someone sending a text on their telephone.
I suppose by now you’re getting tired of my ranting and raving about the holidays. I’d continue on and tell you about New Years Day, but I’ll save that for next year.
Thanks for reading.