Tinys World of Technology BS

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

Lately, I’ve been at kind of a loss on what to write for this months Whatchamcallit article.  Since the club domain is coming up for renewal, I decided to write about how lousy member participation is.  I wrote the article and then realized it was probably not a nice thing to print.  I wrote some stuff that could be pretty embarrassing to some club members.

I can’t imagine anyone not knowing about the Mueller Report.  It has been on the news everyday.  The final redacted report was recently released.  For those that might not know, redacted means edited or censored.  I realized that this was the perfect solution for publishing my article without compromising anyone or hurting their feelings.  I hope you enjoy my redacted message.  Most redacts are several words or names.

Last month, ℜeedacted the newsletter for a ℜeedacted I had hoped to ℜedacted this month.  I will admit that part of the reason for the ℜedacted to make more use of the club website.  ℜedacted. I told them they would have to find out by ℜedacted.  I thought sure that everyone would check ℜedacted.

As I write this on the afternoon of April 19, ℜedacted to the web site to ℜedacted.  Even though I was wrong, I was not really ℜedacted.  Here are some website member statistics.  These numbers are since ℜedacted.  I don’t want to single out anyone so I won’t ℜedacted.

MEMBER DATE LAST ACTIVE NUMBER OF POSTS
ℜedacted Fri Apr 19, 2019 5:16 pm 823
ℜedacted Tue Apr 9, 2019 5:18 am 477
ℜedacted Mon Feb 11, 2019 1:01 pm 5
ℜedacted Sat Jan 12, 2019 7:44 pm 3
ℜedacted Sat Feb 21, 2015 5:09 pm 0
ℜedacted Tue Apr 16, 2019 10:55 pm 10
ℜedacted Never 0
ℜedacted Mon Apr 8, 2019 5:24 pm 0

Do we really need a club website when only ℜedacted and many members hardly even bother ℜedacted?  A forum based website could be a vibrant place where ℜedacted are really “users helping users”.
There have been several ℜedacted.  The site administrators have often ℜedacted. ℜedacted a suggestion was made to ℜedacted.  The site was changed ℜedacted the idea.  ℜedacted.

Then there is the club newsletter. ℜedacted useful part of the club.  I still think so, ℜedacted members do.   Other than some ℜedacted, hardly anyone has bothered to ℜedacted for content.  A ℜedacted articles, I was told that it was helpful.  If someone had ℜedacted the newsletter then.

My point is that it is the CLUB newsletter, not the Tiny newsletter.  It is the CLUB website, not the Tiny site.  (I already have four sites).  Everyone has knowledge of something.  Is it so hard to write a short article and share it with everyone?  Is it so difficult to take a minute and share that link instead of e-mailing it?

There. I’m done with my ranting. I’m not trying to ℜedacted anyone, but I really think that ℜedacted give some thought to our club ℜedacted.  Are they necessary or should we change or discontinue them?

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

I’m not giving up!  After all, I’ve only tried twice.  In June 2013, inspired by Google Glass, I wrote an article about what I thought would make me some extra spending money.  Even though I didn’t raise any money, I tried again in March 2017.  This month, I’m back with some more great ideas for things everyone can use.

I still can’t believe that the “Tiny Monocle” didn’t catch on.  It so outdid Google Glass.  I can say the same thing about the “Tiny Belt”, but I’m still not giving up on inventing the perfect wearable.  There are all kinds of smart watches, activity trackers, health care monitors, etc.  You can even buy smart clothing.  Technology has even invaded jewelry.  You can purchase smart watches, earrings, necklaces and a ring for your fingers or toes.

I can’t believe that no one but me as thought about inventing and marketing a smart nose ring.  I’ll call it the “noseTring”.  My noseTring would do many of the same things that other wearable technology does, only better.  Sleep tracking would be improved because the Tring would be much closer to the brain enabling better tracking of waves.  The best part of wearing a noseTring is that the embedded camera would take much better pictures of people.  After all, their eyes would be pointing directly at the wearer’s nose.

Another of my ideas that didn’t catch on was the “Tiny Pet Mouse Registry”.  The idea was to recycle old computer mice into official pets.  I would then make money by selling pet accessories.  I’m pretty sure the reason it wasn’t a success is because I picked the wrong item for a pet.  That’s why I’m going to introduce the “Tiny Old Phone Registry”.  Instead of trying to make money selling accessories, I’ll just charge a small annual fee.

Everyone I know has an old phone or two lying around somewhere.  Now they can put them to use and turn them into pet(s).  Members will register their new pets by the IMEI number and upload a picture of their new pet.  I’ll add it to the database and assign it a name.  Of course, one of my old phones would be the first pet.  My HTC TP2 would be named Tipi.

Artificial Intelligence (AI) bots are fast becoming the latest and greatest technology.  They are quickly taking over the world and anticipating what we humans will do.  That’s why I’m going to invent an “Artificial Stupidity System”.  This system will help people decide what is the stupidest thing they can do in any situation.  You might wonder why you would want to make stupid responses.  The answer is simple.  It will be perfect training for later years when you might be in a position of authority.  Don’t many business leaders and politicians constantly do and say stupid things?  Probably the best thing about my Artificial Stupidity System is that it would have a great acronym.

Don’t worry, I plan to share the millions that I will undoubtedly make from these ideas.  Thanks for reading.

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

King Charles I said, “Never make a defense or an apology until you are accused.”  Things sure haven’t changed much since the 1600’s.  It seems like every day, someone in politics is apologizing for something stupid.  Who am I kidding.  It is more like every couple of hours.  My personal favorites are when they say they are sorry and then in the next sentence, explain that it was because they weren’t really at fault.

I could elaborate for hours on how the President is sorry he has to separate children from their parents because of the Democrats.  I won’t though.  After all.  This is a technology column, not political.

In the technology world, we have our own “Apologizer in Chief”.  Mark Zuckerberg founded Facebook in 2004 and made his first privacy apology in 2007: “We simply did a bad job with this release and I apologize for it.”  In 2010 he made another apology: “We just missed the mark,” he said.  “We heard the feedback.”  Then there was an apology in 2011: “I’m the first to admit that we’ve made a bunch of mistakes.”  There have been many other apologies from Mr. Zuckerberg.  Maybe his apology tour will be the culmination.

Of course, Facebook isn’t the only tech company that has recently made a confession and an apology.  Apple is sorry they slowed down older phones.  Uber didn’t know their drivers did naughty things.  Sony is always regretting something.  Wells Fargo is so sorry that they re‑invented the company.  I can’t remember if Equifax apologized or not.  One of my favorite apologies was when the Twitter CEO was sorry that he ate at Chick‑fil‑A.

With all of the apology fever going around, I thought I had better make an apology or two myself.  After all, apologies are serious business.  I’m more or less a serious guy.

I’d like to apologize to the computer club for publishing last months newsletter on Thursday.  I know that everyone expects it on the Monday before the meeting.  Although I’ve attempted to find someone or something to blame it on, it was late due solely to my own laziness.  I hope that no one was too severely inconvenienced.

I would like to apologize to the Golden Triangle Computer Club for the bad joke I made at one of their meetings.  When a Norton Utilities Disk was the featured door prize, I told them I hoped I would win it.  Then I could throw it in the trash and there would be one less Norton program in the world.  Although I made the comment in a moment of complete lucidity, I certainly regret offending any Texans.

Lastly, I would like to give a sincere apology to all of the companies whose EULA’s I claim to have actually read.  As everyone knows, “End User License Agreements” are very important in the computer world.  Like many other people I have many times clicked that little box that says I have read and understand everything in their short documents.  Actually, I have never read them.  I use a program and a couple of websites that do it for me.  I’m so sorry that I deceived the affected companies.

I was going to apologize to the reader for writing this article, but I’m not sorry I did.  I started with a quote and I’ll finish with one from Jim Bouton: “It never hurts to apologize, especially if you don’t mean it.”

Thanks for reading.

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

Ever since I learned how, I’ve always been an avid reader.  My parents didn’t have a television until I was about ten years old.  That never bothered me.  The library had a lot of entertainment.  In later life, when I was in the Navy, I seldom watched the ship’s movie.  I was busy finishing reading one more chapter of my book before lights out.  These days, I still read at least a dozen magazines each month.  I am usually reading three or four books at a time.  I’ve got my bedside book, bathroom book, digital book and an audio book for my morning walk.

This year I did something new.  I created a “summer reading list” of all the books I was going to read this past season.  I’ve never felt the need to do that before this year.  As I’ve gotten a little older, my memory is starting to slide a little.  I thought that a reading list would remind me of books I’ve wanted to read.

Now that we’re into October, I realize that I haven’t finished my reading list.  I thought I’d take a few minutes and share my books to read list with you.  These are all books that I haven’t yet read.  I’ve included the Amazon link for each title just in case anyone else would like to read them.  I’m not sure, but I don’t think any of them are available from the Parish library.

• The Manly Art of Knitting – The description says it all. Who am I to not read a cult classic.
• Folks, This Ain’t Normal: A Farmer’s Advice for Happier Hens, Healthier People, and a Better World – With a sixteen word title, this just has to be a great book.
• Winning Lotto / Lottery For Everyday Players – I’ll read this if I ever start playing the lottery.
• The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China – I’ve been to China two or three times and never realized this was a problem.
• Quotations From Chairman Mao Tse-Tung – Confucius say, “Smooth words and fawning looks are seldom found with love. ”
• Much Ado About Nothing: The Restored Klingon Text – Shakespeare kind of looked like a Klingon.
• What’s Your Poo Telling You? – Sometimes I’m just overly curious.
• Fancy Coffins to Make Yourself – I’ve been thinking of taking up woodworking and this looks like an interesting first project.
• Reusing Old Graves – I need someplace to put those fancy coffins that I’m going to make.
• A Passion for Donkeys – I figure that any book that gets a five star rating on Amazon must be a good one to read.
• The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America – I just hate going to the Walmart parking lot.

I guess you’ve probably figured out by now that I don’t really plan on reading all of these books.  I will admit that I have read one of the books on the list.  I won’t tell you which one.  You can feel free to read any of them and post a review on our club website.
A final thought.  Looking at this book list, I’m reminded of one book that it makes me want to read it again.  It was one of Ray Bradbury’s best books.

That’s all of my thoughts for October.  My mind is empty again.  Thanks for reading.

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

Way back in June 2013, I wrote an article describing many of the things that I was going to invent.  Unfortunately, due to time constraints, I never did get around to marketing the tonocle, the T-belt, the CORdrive or the other great ideas I had.  Since then, I’ve thought of more inventions to market.

How many times have you meant to throw something in the trash can and missed it because the darn thing was just out of reach?  That will never happen again when I start selling the TINYtrasher.  This remarkable machine will be a modified trash can on wheels.  It will be WIFI enabled and can be summoned to wherever you are by pushing the trash icon on your phone or other WIFI enabled device.

The TINYlet is going to be a modern day, useful replacement for the toilet in any bathroom.  Seat up or down arguments would be a thing of the past.  The TINYlet seat would always lower itself two minutes after a flush.  When a user enters the bathroom, the seat would always be down.  If it needs to be raised a simple step-lever would change the seat to the proper position.  The super, duper, custom TINYlet will be the only toilet in the world that would never plug up and need to be plunged.  An installed garbage disposal would grind up any blockage.

Tiny’s ClearVue toaster will easily toast your bread with infrared rays.  The traditional metal sides of the toaster would be replaced with a clear acrylic plastic.  The advantage of a ClearVue is simple.  You can see the progress of the toasting bread.  Each slice would be cooked to the perfect shade of brown for each individual user.

Ten years ago, I almost invented the TINoller.  This was going to be a modified baby stroller.  My initial thought was to attach a motorized wheel chair to the back of my grandson’s stroller so that I could easily push him.  Realizing that this idea would prevent me from getting any actual exercise on my daily walk, I thought about attaching a scooter.  This would enable me to push and ride at the same time.  He outgrew the stroller before I could build it, but the idea is still valid.

The TINY Paper Roller is the invention that will ensure that the toilet paper is always placed correctly on the dispenser roller.  The dispenser would have a small lip at the back of the dispenser under the roll.  If the paper is placed on the roll backwards, the paper would catch on the lip and bunch up.  The dispenser would only work if the toilet paper is properly installed so that the paper rolls off the top towards the user.

Don’t you hate it when you’re driving down the road and hit the occasional, rare, pothole, causing your coffee to spill out of the cup and into your car’s cup holder?  If you’re like me and don’t like using lids or only filling your cup half full, you will need to buy the TinyUnSpill cup.  This cup will have a small Geo-sensor embedded in the bottom “spring” plate.  Whenever your vehicle hits something like a speed bump, the sensor will react to the rising cup and automatically open a hydraulic valve which will raise the cup and prevent the liquid from splashing over the side.  Hitting a pot hole will have the opposite effect.  This cup will not spill your beverage, unless you slide sideways.

Remember the Pet Rock craze of years past?  I’ve been thinking of creating the “Tiny Pet Mouse Registry” or TIPEMORE.  Almost everyone in the world has an old computer mouse laying around.  For a small registration fee, people can register their mouse on TIPEMORE.  After their mouse becomes an official pet, they will be able to spend more of their money on buying things like care and feeding instructions, how to play with your pet, showing off your pet, etc.  This could be a great money maker.

I had better quit writing now and go get my Kickstarter applications filled out.  I’m certain that with my great ideas I will have no problem raising millions of dollars in funding.

Thanks for reading.