Posts Tagged: ‘Humor’

Planned Obsolescence – Originally Published April 2011

July 18, 2014 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

After a year of cult worship of the iPad, the iPad 2 is now being sold.  There isn’t a lot of difference in the two models.  The iPad 1 is now $100 less than before (but I’m sure consumers weren’t being gypped before the price reduction).  The new model has a couple of cameras and a dual core processor.  The technology was available a year ago.  Why didn’t they use it then?

When I read about the iPad 2, I was reminded of a MAD magazine article I read about thirty years ago.  It was a satire of Thomas Edison.  There was a picture of him in his lab working on the phonograph.  On the shelves behind him was a reel to reel tape recorder/player, which at that time was the latest audio technology.  The caption said that Edison didn’t get rich by patenting his best products right away.

Ever notice when you buy a new phone, there will be a new model or major update long before you complete the contract?  Same thing for computers.  You can bet that within two months of buying one, there will be a better model released.  Even though it sometimes appears suspicious, I don’t believe that companies would stoop so low as to profit by withholding their best.  I think they bend even lower.

How old is your cell phone?  Does it work as good as it did when you first bought it?  How much longer do you think you’ll be using it?  How about your cassettes.  Do you still listen to them?  Maybe you listen to your phonograph records instead.  No?  It must be the reel to reel tapes that you like to listen to.  Why is it that you can buy a new computer, set it up and find that it is already out of date?

The answer to all of those questions and many more like it is planned obsolescence.  That is why so many things work great until about the time the warranty expires?  I think it is because companies deliberately design their products to fail early.  Is it a coincidence that printers quit printing when the ink is low, but not empty.  Doesn’t it seem that a lot of software isn’t compatible with prior programs or files?  Didn’t automobiles made fifty or sixty years ago last a lot longer than modern cars?

It isn’t just electronics technology that manufacturers plan to become obsolete.  Textbooks are revised every year even though with most topics there isn’t much change in the subject material.  When I was younger, my Mother had a Hoover canister vacuum cleaner that she must have used for at least twenty years.  These days, it seems like my wife needs to replace the vacuum every three years or so.  The cuckoo clock in my living room is at least 100 years old.  I wonder if I could buy a new model that would last as long.

I could probably rant on for another ten pages or so, but I think you probably know what I mean.  Companies plan for their products obsolescence so they can make more profit by selling new stuff.  Of course, that’s just my opinion.

Now that I think about it, it’s not just manufacturers that plan for obsolescence.  After all, next month this column will be obsolete.

Thanks for reading.

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Automobile and Technology – Originally Published March 2011

July 18, 2014 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

My oldest Grandson just got his Learner’s Permit and has become the official driver for many of our family outings.  That got me to thinking about the fact that I never cared much for driving.  I didn’t get my first driving license until I joined the Navy.  For some reason, they needed it for identification purposes.  I guess that the automobile is just one of those things I have that I could easily live without.  If Lake Charles had a decent city bus system, I probably wouldn’t drive at all.

Like so many other things, our vehicles are loaded with computers and other technology.  I’ve decided that I could live without most of it.

When the check engine light in my pickup goes on, I can’t hit CTRL-ALT-DEL, start the task manager and begin diagnosing the problem.  I’m stuck with visiting a repair place that is certified to do the repair.  I know I can interface with my vehicle’s computer.  Of course, to do it efficiently would cost at least a hundred dollars for the proper equipment and the software.  Then I would still probably end up having to go to the certified technician for my repair.

Do I really need to have a computer tell me when I need to stop and check the air pressure in my tires?  Could a missed firmware update cause a flat tire?  Do I want to take a chance on my transportation being infected with a computer virus?  I guess there isn’t any sense in complaining.  Computer chips in our automobiles are here to stay.  Since we have them, I can only wish the technicians would install some useful programming.

I remember a Plymouth my father had when I was a young man.  It had a push button gear shift.  On the left side of the dashboard was a light sensor that automatically dimmed the headlights whenever another car approached.  Your headlights also dimmed when they were reflected off of a white building.  I wonder why the designers/technicians have decided automatic dimmers aren’t as important as your tire pressure?

I wish that someone would invent an automobile application that automatically turns on the radio and tunes in programs I want to listen to.  I would never miss Kim, Leo or Ira again.  A good program could also change the station when a show I don’t like comes on.

If that GPS thing knows where I stop to use the toilet and can help them unlock my car from afar, why can’t they program my vehicle to hit the brakes when an accident is imminent?  It would sure be a lot cheaper than my car telephoning for the ambulance.

I sure wish they would hurry up and invent those robot car drivers that I’ve read about for years in the Popular Science magazine.  Then we wouldn’t have to worry about the other driver talking on the phone, reading the newspaper, eating their lunch, combing their hair, etc.

How come automobiles don’t have a program that keeps them from drifting into the adjacent lane?  Couldn’t they put in a subroutine so the car will stop when the traffic light turns yellow?  I sure hope they put in a line or two of code to stop tailgating.

I think they should incorporate Bluetooth into our automobiles.  When you can’t find you car in the parking lot, you just pull out your smart phone and locate your network.  Of course, you’d have to be within 30 feet of where you parked.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could just say, “Play CD” and your sound system would start.  You could say “Set cruise control” and never get a speeding ticket.  Sometimes I’d like to say “Eject passenger”, but that would probably be illegal.

Enough of my wishful thinking.  They’ve already made the best technological advancement possible.  You can plug your coffee cup in and keep the coffee hot.  What will they think of next?

Thanks for reading.

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One Handed Column – Orignally Published January 2011

July 18, 2014 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

Here it is again.  Another New Year is started and it’s time to submit another column for the monthly club newsletter.  At first I was just going to update the one I wrote last January . I thought it was a pretty good column with all my New Year technological resolutions.  I’m embarrassed to tell you that I didn’t do a very good job of keeping them.  Maybe I should just make a resolution to procrastinate more.  I’ll bet I could keep that one.

Then I gave it a little more thought and decided I could do a column with predictions about what technological advances would occur in 2011.  Heck, I can make predictions just as well as John Dvorak, Steve Fox, Tom Spindler or any of those technical guys.  Wait a minute, I feel a prediction coming on right now.  I foresee that in December 2011, the ‘Twas parody will be recycled in the monthly club newsletter.

After a little more thought, I decided that a man of my talents could easily start some new New Year’s technological traditions.   I could take an old computer, install a countdown timer and tie a cord around it.  After making sure the countdown time is synchronized, I could tie a stout cord to the machine and dangle it out the window.  At midnight, when the timer hits zero, I’d cut the cord and let it fall to the ground.  Doesn’t that sound like a lot more fun than watching some old ball in slime square fall?  Who needs fireworks on New Year’s?  Lets just network a bunch of computers together.  Have them randomly display the world famous blue screen.  We’ll get a lot of ooohs and aaahs for sure.

Epilogue: I almost hate to tell you what I’ve decided to do for this months column.  I had a lot more ideas to write about.  I usually start writing early in the month so that I have plenty of time for editing, correcting spelling, etc.  Unfortunately, on Christmas Day, I fell on the concrete and bruised my ribs.  I also fractured a wrist and am forced into one handed keyboarding, so this column isn’t going to have an ending.

Once again, I have proved that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.  Thanks for reading.

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Bah! Humbug! – Originally Published December 2010

July 8, 2014 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

Bah! Humbug!
It’s that time of the year again.  The retailers want us to spend all of our hard earned nickels on lots of things that we don’t really need.  I remember last year when I got suckered into buying a multifunction printer that also copies, scans, faxes and probably would clean my nose after a sneeze.  The problem is that I don’t need to do all of that stuff and would probably have saved some money if I’d just bought a scanner and a box of tissues.

About the only difference in the holiday season every year is that it usually seems to start earlier and earlier.  This year, I saw my first Christmas display on labor day.  Newegg started advertising Black Friday deals sometime during the first part of November.  I’m expecting the 2011 season to start around the Fourth of July.

Bah! Humbug!
During the holiday season, I spend a lot more time online getting my news.  I refuse to pay extra for a newspaper on Thanksgiving Day.  Do they really expect me to pay more for the extra advertising?  I can look at all the same ads online for free.

You can predict the news.  On Thanksgiving and Christmas, you can be sure that we’ll read about celebrities working at some homeless shelter or at a soup kitchen.  Where are they the other 363 days of the year?

Bah! Humbug!
This is the time of the year that the scammers are out in full force.  I consider myself to be pretty computer literate, but I almost got scammed when I got this e-mail from order-update@amazon.com:

Dear Amazon.com Customer,
Your order has been successfully canceled. For your reference, here’s a summary of your order:
You just canceled order #823-2346426-4655389 placed on November 23, 2010.
Status: CANCELED
ORDER INFORMATION (this was the link)
Sold by: Amazon.com, LLC
Because you only pay for items when we ship them to you, you won’t be charged for any items that you cancel.
Thank you for visiting Amazon.com!
Amazon.com
Earth’s Biggest Selection
http://www.amazon.com

I do quite a bit of shopping at amazon and I almost clicked on the order information.  If I hadn’t noticed that it wasn’t addressed to my amazon e-mail address, I would have been scammed.  The bad guys have sure advanced from pickpocketing, breaking into cars at the parking lots and giving us all a free I-Pod.

Bah! Humbug!
Every year, I’ve got to listen to some novelty song about five zillion times.  I’m just happy that Grandma doesn’t get run over by a reindeer as often as she used to.

Bah! Humbug!
It’s that time of year when we get to watch all of those TV specials and rerun movies that are better off forgotten.  It was a Wonderful Life when it was a movie, but 9000 times as a TV special leaves something to be desired.  Did you know that Jimmy Stewart has been dead for thirteen years?  The only good thing you can say is that during the holidays, we don’t have to watch the regular lousy television programming.  Don’t get me started on the commercials.

Oh well. Time for me to stop bah humbugging and write some club related stuff.  As I hope you know by now, our club web site (SWLAPCUG) is back up and running.  Travis and Tom have spent lots of time getting it tweaked to be user friendly.  All club members will soon be able to read the minutes of club meetings, view the treasurer reports, download newsletters, share computing tips, laugh at my inane jokes and many other exiting things.

When you go to the site, click the login button and you will be asked to register.  Your login information from the old site will not work.  Just pick a user name and password and enter your e-mail.  After a few minutes, you will get an e-mail with your registration information and a verification link to click.  This is the only time you will have to go to the web site from your e-mail.  The next time you are on the main page, enter your new username and password.  Click the login in button and you’re in business.

You don’t have to register to view many of the items on our web site; however, you won’t be able to participate until you do.  After you’re registered, one of the moderators will move you to the club members list.  More features are available to club members than to general visitors.

All of the features on the new site aren’t working yet.  In the Forums is a “Suggestion Box” topic.  If you’ve got any ideas for improving things, let us know.  Remember, we can’t make the site easier to use if nobody knows that you’re having a problem.  Once again, the link for our web site is: Southwest Louisiana PC Users Group.

Bah!  Humbug!  My wife just told me to put my shoes on because she wants me to go and help pick out the son in laws Christmas present.  I know what that really means is I’ll have to carry something.

Thanks for reading.

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Over-Technologied? – Originally Published November 2010

July 8, 2014 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

I remember back in the early 1960’s when my father, a feed salesman, was received a Texas Instruments calculator from his company.  At that time, the TI was a top of the line calculator with an electronic memory.  This machine could add, subtract, divide and multiply.  He was proud of that calculator.  If you would ask him to add multiply 2 times 3, he would get the machine out to do the problem.

I was reminded of that calculator a few weeks ago when someone I know turned on their global positioning system to get directions to drive to Beaumont from Lake Charles.  Luckily, we got to the right place because he knew where it was.  The GPS address put us a couple of blocks away.

Every month or so, I scroll through the saved television programs list on my digital video recorder and delete programs that I’ve recorded.  I realize now that I just don’t have the time to watch them all.  Besides, I have to make some room for the new programs I want to record.

These incidents are starting to make me wonder if our society might be getting “over-technologied”.  Don’t bother to look that word up in your dictionary or thesaurus.  Over-technologied is a term that I made up to describe a situation where technology is used either unnecessarily, stupidly, inadequately or in some other silly manner.  I think that people who have the latest, greatest, newest technology and then don’t know how to use it are extremely over-technologied.  I made up the word, so I guess I can make up the definition.

For example, how many people do you know that have thousands of pictures and movies saved on their huge hard drives?  With high speed digital cameras it is easy to take ten pictures instead of one.  You have a better chance of getting the “perfect” picture but end up not being able to find it because you have to sort through a thousand pictures to find it.  Isn’t that being over-technologied?

It’s election season again and I get countless phone spam calls urging me to vote for candidate Mr./Mrs./Ms. over-technologied.  I call them that because they have used technology to call every phone number and irritate the people on the other end.  I use my own technology to keep track of who I get unwanted calls from.  The over-technologied candidate doesn’t get my vote.

How many people do you know have a microwave oven that will defrost, weigh the food and then start cooking so as to be finished just in time for dinner?  Many of them have more than timer, a whole bunch of built in programmed recipes and many other features.  If they’re like most people, they use their microwave to reheat their leftovers or make popcorn.  Do you think they might be over-technologied?

I could probably write three or four articles on how our cell phones are over-technologied.  Personally, I don’t even carry a cell phone.  I usually just carry my pocket computer which also happens to be able to connect to Sprint if I want to make a phone call.  If you don’t agree that cell phones are over-technonologied, ask the next ten people you see how many applications they have on their cell phone.  Then ask them how many they actually use.

When I was a kid, my old junker car would break down on the side of the road.  It was usually pretty easy for me to fix it.  These days I drive an over-technologied pickup.  If there is a breakdown, I might as well call for a tow truck because the mechanic would have to run a computer diagnostic before he could fix the darn thing.

Do you think that modern cameras are over-technologied?  My camera is a couple of years old and still has more features than I ever use.  The instruction manual is about three fourths of an inch thick.  I often wonder if I will ever learn how to do some of the advanced functions.  I probably would have the time to memorize the instructions if I could just get away from my over-technologied television.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this tongue-in-cheek article about having too much technology.  Be careful, technology can also be dangerous.  An incident with my debit card is what got me thinking about too much technology in the first place.  If you’ve got the time, just Google “dangers of too much technology” and read the 239 million articles for yourself.

I could probably ramble on for a couple more pages about how we are over-technologied.  I just realized that having five computers on my home network isn’t enough.  I’ve got to go do some research on that tablet computer I want to buy.  After all, I want to stay over-technologied.

Thanks for reading.

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Unsafe Computer Practices – Originally Published August 2009

June 22, 2014 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

Forrest Gump said, “Stupid is as stupid does.“  Could this mean that an intelligent person who does stupid things is still stupid?  Everyone has heard the stories of the computer user that used their disk player as a coffee cup holder.  Did you hear about the computer user that called tech support trying to figure out why their computer wasn’t working?  Turns out there was a power outage.  When you Google “stupid computer stories” you get about 6,660,000 hits.  No matter how you look at it, we’re talking about a lot of stupidity.

I’m not planning to talk about stupid computer things, just plain dumb or unsafe computing practices.  Probably one of the dumbest things some people do is neglect antivirus and anti-spyware programs.  Antivirus programs can be a royal pain in the you know what!  They’re always blocking some application you want to use.  You often have to disable them to install new software.  They have to be updated on a regular basis to do any good.  It seems like the subscription is always expiring and prompting you to renew it.  You can’t afford to go without virus protection.  The malicious programs that AV software detects can not only wreak havoc on your system but can spread via your computer to the rest of your network.  Don’t be dumb!  Keep your antivirus up to date.

I think it’s really dumb to just click on anything and everything.  I know how tempting it is to quickly load that solve everything program without first reading the EULA.  Be careful!  You might be agreeing to let everyone on the internet send you spam.  Even worse, you could do like one of my sisters did – agree to use your address book for a sales pitch.  I know how hard it is to resist clicking that email hyperlink your best friend just sent you, just be careful.  It’s so easy to download backdoor Trojans without even knowing it.  Don’t be dumb and give in to “click mania.”  Think before you click a link.  Links can also be disguised in “phishing” messages or on Web sites to appear to take you to a different site from the ones they really point to.  You can often find out the real URL by hovering over the link without clicking it.

Don’t be dumb and install/uninstall lots of programs.  I know how tempting it is to be on the cutting edge, so you often install and try out new software.  Beta programs are usually free and give you a chance to sample neat new features before most people.  There are also many freeware and shareware programs made available as Internet downloads by their authors.  I know none of our club members would never do it, but some users even install pirated software.  The more programs you install, the more likely you are to run across ones that either include harmful code or are poorly written and cause your system to crash.  Even if you install only licensed commercial software, too many installs and uninstalls can gunk up the registry.  Not all uninstall routines completely remove program remnants and at the least, this practice can cause your system to slow down over time.  Don’t be dumb.  Install only programs that you really need.

I think that it’s really dumb to plug your computer right into a cable or DSL modem and go on the Internet.  Some people don’t realize that they’re putting themselves at risk from viruses and attackers.  Every Internet connected computer should be protected by a firewall.  Just having a firewall isn’t enough.  You must also make sure it’s turned on and configured properly to protect you.

I think it’s really dumb to plug in any electronic equipment without using a surge protector.  Doing so can physically destroy your computer equipment, as well as the data it holds.  You may might think your system is in danger only during an electrical storm, but anything that interrupts the electrical circuit and then restarts the current can fry your electronics.  Something as simple as turning on an appliance that’s plugged into the same circuit can cause a surge.  If you have a power outage, there could be a surge when the electricity comes back on.  Don’t be dumb.  Protect your electronics against damage from power surges by always using a surge protector.

Remember that everything in this column is just my opinion.  It doesn’t really matter to me if you follow my advice.  I don’t gamble very much, but there is one thing I’m willing to bet on.  It might not happen for a while, but eventually, you’re going to get caught!

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