Category: ‘Whatchamacallit’

Trademarking – Originally Published August 2019

August 4, 2019 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

From the Ninja Dictionary:
google
verb
°To deliver googlies.
°To move as a ball in a googly.
noun
°An internet search, such as that which is performed on the Google search engine.
°A hit obtained by a search engine.

I was originally going to write an article about how I don’t use Google for very many searches.  There are several specialized search engines that usually do a much better job.  I use the Bing search engine for most of my general searches.  It does an adequate job and gives me enough Rewards Points to pay for my monthly HULU service.

While researching how the brand name “Google” became a common word, I found that it wasn’t the first product that became so well known.  I had always known of a few others like Kleenex, Xerox, Band‑Aid, and more.  These are all brand names that haven’t become generic.  Here are a few others.  I didn’t know about them.  Do you?

• Popsicle – On a hot day, almost everyone loves frozen ice‑pop or freezer‑pop.  You aren’t eating a Popsicle unless it is made by Unilever.
• Jet‑Ski – I’ve never had a ride on a personal water craft.  That’s probably why I didn’t know that to be called a Jet‑Ski, it has to be manufactured by Kawasaki.
• Crock‑Pot – I took a break from writing this article and went to the kitchen.  There I found out that we really had a slow food cooker instead of the one made by Sunbeam.  I also learned that the word is correctly spelled with a hyphen.
• Dumpster – That trash bin has to be made by the Dempster‑Brothers to be called a dumpster.  The name is also a portmanteau, the blending of the words “dump” and the name “Dempster.
• Zipper – I always knew that a lighter had to made by Zippo to be called by that name.  I didn’t know that the fastener you “zip” has to be the B. F. Goodrich kind to be called a Zipper.
• Frisbee = WHAM‑O was sued in 2010.  The terms Frisbee, Hula Hoop and Slip’n Slide are still not generic.
• Seeing Eye Dog – If the animal wasn’t trained by Seeing Eye of Morristown, NJ, it is just a plain old guide dog.
• Super Heroes – I guess you can be only a hero if you don’t belong to DC Comics or Marvel Comics.  They jointly own the trademark.
• Velcro – Does anyone say “hook and loop” fasteners?
• TASER – If the police come after you, make sure that device in their hand was manufactured by the TASER International Company.  If not, you’ll have to yell, “I surrender!  Don’t hit me with that electroshock weapon!”
• Formica – If it isn’t made by the Diller Corporation, it is just a decorative laminate.

One last trademark.  I always knew that a Stetson was made by the John B. Stetson Company and wasn’t a generic name for a cowboy hat.  Like many other companies, their lawyers are quick to let you know when you infringe their trademark.  To be completely honest, I just wanted a chance to include this link to an article by a Washington Post journalist.

I hope that I can be forgiven for not writing about technical stuff this month.  Sometimes it is nice to just lean back in my La‑Z‑Boy (oops: I meant reclining chair) and turn on my Lava Lamp (oops: I meant liquid motion lamp) and reflect on other things.

Thanks for reading.

Read full article |Leave a comment
Tags:
Categories: Whatchamacallit

Reviewed Programs I No Longer Use – Originally Published July 2019

July 7, 2019 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

In this months Lagniappe, I reviewed a NirSoft Utility that I’ve used for many years.  When I write my review columns, I usually check my indexes to see if I had previously written about the software.  This month, I noticed that there are many programs that I no longer use.  I thought I’d list a few of them and explain why I no longer use them. The links will open my original review.

• CCleaner – is a program that I used for many years.  It was originally known as Crap Cleaner and was a very good utility.  Over the years, many new functions were added which I hardly ever used.  In 2017, it was sold to Avast.  It wasn’t too long before it was discovered that the program included a Trojan malware installer.  I haven’t used it since then.  I also don’t use Avast Antivirus anymore.
• Kaspersky TDSS Killer – is another one purpose utility that I used to run weekly.  It simply scans your computer for root kits.  When I bought new computers, I didn’t reinstall it.
• TunnelBear VPN – is an still an excellent VPN (I think).  I quite using it when it was purchased by McAfee, a company that I don’t much care for.
• Spyware Blaster – is another utility that didn’t make it onto my Windows 10 machines.  It searches for and removes spyware, adware, browser hijackers, etc.  Now that I’m researching this article, I’ll probably install it again.
• WPS Office – formerly known as Kingsoft Office is an office suite of programs.  I use to solely use this program because it synced easier with my Android devices.  I haven’t used it for about two years.

These are just a few of the programs that I no longer use.  There are many others that I discontinued because I either had no use for them or they were no longer being updated.  Back in 2014, I even wrote an article about some old friends that I miss.

It’s not that I’m fussy and need the latest and greatest.  My default image viewer is VuePrint which was last updated in 2008.  It is still a great program for viewing, printing and converting graphics files.  I still do a lot of my web page editing with Kompozer, another program which will probably never be updated.

Thanks for reading.

Read full article |Leave a comment
Tags: , , ,
Categories: Whatchamacallit

Fun Stuff on Wikipedia – Originally Published June 2019

June 5, 2019 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

`The other day I was reading Ripley’s Believe it or Not.  I learned that “omphalophobia” is a fear of belly buttons.  The article was only mildly interesting, but the comments were more fun to read.   Someone said they had a phobia about getting a phobia.  I was surprised to find out that there is such a thing.  After all, I found it on the internet.  Phobophobia is the fear of phobia(s) and, more specifically, of the internal sensations associated with that phobia and anxiety.

I’m not writing about phobias.  If you clicked the link you might have noticed that it opened a Wikipedia article.  The free encyclopedia is one of my favorite web sites.  I’ve even contributed a few dollars to help keep it running.  Although it can be edited by almost anyone, I’ve found that most articles are fairly accurate.

I’m not writing about Wikipedia either.  You can find millions of reviews with a simple internet search.  What is this article about?  I’d like to share some of the unique and funny articles that I’ve found on Wikipedia.  Here are some links to articles you might find interesting:

List of people who died on the toilet – I don’t think any of them were reading this article.
Ferret-legging – I wonder why I haven’t seen this sport on ESPN.
Bristol stool scale – I’ll have to remember to ask my doctor about this.
Trimethylaminuria – not only is this disease hard to spell, it’s incurable.
Leck mich im Arsch – Mozart was truly versatile.
Le Pétomane – another one that I remember was featured on Ripley.
List of animals with fraudulent diplomas – my dog is smarter than your cat.
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo – for wordsmiths.
Islamic toilet etiquette – I’m surprised I haven’t seen this on Facebook.
Chicken or the egg – hint. We still don’t know.
Longest word in English – Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious isn’t the word.
Toilet paper orientation – seem like an appropriate article to end this list.

I was originally thinking of posting these links on the club website. I decided that would be a waste of my time as hardly anyone would see it. I also post these newsletter articles on my personal website. Here is one last Wikipedia Fictitious entry link to end the article.

Thanks for reading.

Read full article |Leave a comment
Tags: , ,
Categories: Whatchamacallit

The Tiny Redacted Report – Originally Published May 2019

May 12, 2019 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

Lately, I’ve been at kind of a loss on what to write for this months Whatchamcallit article.  Since the club domain is coming up for renewal, I decided to write about how lousy member participation is.  I wrote the article and then realized it was probably not a nice thing to print.  I wrote some stuff that could be pretty embarrassing to some club members.

I can’t imagine anyone not knowing about the Mueller Report.  It has been on the news everyday.  The final redacted report was recently released.  For those that might not know, redacted means edited or censored.  I realized that this was the perfect solution for publishing my article without compromising anyone or hurting their feelings.  I hope you enjoy my redacted message.  Most redacts are several words or names.

Last month, ℜeedacted the newsletter for a ℜeedacted I had hoped to ℜedacted this month.  I will admit that part of the reason for the ℜedacted to make more use of the club website.  ℜedacted. I told them they would have to find out by ℜedacted.  I thought sure that everyone would check ℜedacted.

As I write this on the afternoon of April 19, ℜedacted to the web site to ℜedacted.  Even though I was wrong, I was not really ℜedacted.  Here are some website member statistics.  These numbers are since ℜedacted.  I don’t want to single out anyone so I won’t ℜedacted.

MEMBER DATE LAST ACTIVE NUMBER OF POSTS
ℜedacted Fri Apr 19, 2019 5:16 pm 823
ℜedacted Tue Apr 9, 2019 5:18 am 477
ℜedacted Mon Feb 11, 2019 1:01 pm 5
ℜedacted Sat Jan 12, 2019 7:44 pm 3
ℜedacted Sat Feb 21, 2015 5:09 pm 0
ℜedacted Tue Apr 16, 2019 10:55 pm 10
ℜedacted Never 0
ℜedacted Mon Apr 8, 2019 5:24 pm 0

Do we really need a club website when only ℜedacted and many members hardly even bother ℜedacted?  A forum based website could be a vibrant place where ℜedacted are really “users helping users”.
There have been several ℜedacted.  The site administrators have often ℜedacted. ℜedacted a suggestion was made to ℜedacted.  The site was changed ℜedacted the idea.  ℜedacted.

Then there is the club newsletter. ℜedacted useful part of the club.  I still think so, ℜedacted members do.   Other than some ℜedacted, hardly anyone has bothered to ℜedacted for content.  A ℜedacted articles, I was told that it was helpful.  If someone had ℜedacted the newsletter then.

My point is that it is the CLUB newsletter, not the Tiny newsletter.  It is the CLUB website, not the Tiny site.  (I already have four sites).  Everyone has knowledge of something.  Is it so hard to write a short article and share it with everyone?  Is it so difficult to take a minute and share that link instead of e-mailing it?

There. I’m done with my ranting. I’m not trying to ℜedacted anyone, but I really think that ℜedacted give some thought to our club ℜedacted.  Are they necessary or should we change or discontinue them?

Read full article |Leave a comment
Tags: ,
Categories: Whatchamacallit

FileMenu Tools – 2019-02

May 12, 2019 Posted by Tiny

Some Lagniappe for You
by Tiny Ruisch

la·gniappe (lnyp, ln-yp)
n. Chiefly Southern Louisiana & Mississippi
1. A small gift presented by a store owner to a customer with the customer’s purchase.
2. An extra or unexpected gift or benefit. Also called regionally boot.

Mr. Spock was right.  Computers can be really efficient if you have the proper programs to do the job.  There is a truly efficient utility program that I’ve been using for more than ten years.  I first reviewed this program in July 2013.  The program has gotten even better since then.  FileMenu Tools lets you customize the right click menu of Windows Explorer.  The program adds utilities to perform operations on files and folders and adds customized commands that let you run external applications, copy or move to a specific folder or delete specific file types.

Click to enlarge.

With the built in commands you can:
• Run With Parameters – Runs a program with parameters you input in a dialog box.
• Command Line From Here – Opens a command line window.
• Copy/Move – No need to cut and paste. You can also use filters in file selection.
• Duplicate Files – Make a copy in the same folder.
• Pack to Folder – Moves all the selected elements to new sub‑folder in the current folder.
• Copy Path/Name/Content – Copies the selected item(s) to the clipboard.
• Attributes – You can view and change them without opening a properties dialog box.
• Find and Replace – Lets you find or replace a text for all the files in a selected folder.
• Advanced Rename – With lots of options.
• Change Icon – Quickly and easily change folder options.
• Advanced Delete – lets you delete specific file types in a folder.
• Synchronize Two Folders – Lets you synchronize two folders quickly and easily.
• Shred Files – Overwrites several times so it is impossible to recover the file in the future.
• Send to Mail Recipient – Lets you send an e-mail with selected elements as attachments.

These are about half of the FileMenu commands you can select from.  In the configuration menu, a simple check mark will turn off the commands you don’t want to use.  If you can’t find the FileMenu function you need, then just add a customized command to run external applications, copy/move to a specific folder or delete specific file types.

FileMenu Tools lets you configure the “Send to” sub‑menu.  You can add new items, change the properties of the existing items or delete them.  You also can disable existing “Send to” items in order to hide them from the menu.

FileMenu Tools will also let you enable/disable the commands which are added to the context menu of the Windows Explorer by other programs.  This is the only function that is not one hundred percent reliable.  When it works, it works well, but it doesn’t catch all of the programs that add to your right click menu.

FileMenu Tools is a 7.3MB download and runs on all Windows platforms.  Did I mention the price?  This program is freeware and costs nothing.  (There is a pro version available for a small charge.)  I’m pretty sure that Mr. Spock would say, “Fascinating is a word I use for the unexpected.  In this case, I should think ‘interesting’ would suffice.”

Download FileMenu Tools and give it a test.  I’m pretty sure that you’ll like it.

If you like the program, just tell everyone that you’ve got a SWLAPCUG extra, a bonus perk, a small gift, a present from the club: a little lagniappe.

Read full article |Leave a comment
Tags: , , ,
Categories: Whatchamacallit

Facebook Apologizes Again – Originally Published April 2019

April 28, 2019 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

People who know me understand how strongly I feel about some companies in the world of technology.  In the past, Sony has screwed us many times, more than once by compromising personal information.  I can mostly ignore them and not just not give them my data.  This month I’m going to rant about a company that is harder to not use.

What got me thinking about this is Mark Zuckerberg’s recent post about how Facebook is going to reduce the amount of information that third parties can access.  He wrote 3000 words telling the world how important our privacy is.  Sorry Mark. I’ve heard this from you many times and I just don’t believe it.

After all, you’ve been apologizing to users for misusing their data even before Facebook existed.  Way back in 2003, you created your “joke” site Facemash.  After your apology to the Harvard disciplinary panel, you were cleared to continue attending the school.  Even that long ago, you said “Issues about violating people’s privacy don’t seem to be surmountable.”

In 2006, you told your users to “calm down and breathe.”  You went on to assure everyone that their news feed was private.  I wonder why three days later, you said that “we really messed up.”  At least you were nice enough to tell us that you were sorry and that our privacy is important.  After all, Facebook has always been about giving us users control over our own information.

That is why I don’t understand why you created Beacon the following year.  You do remember that service” that told friends about your activities on various third‑party sites.  It didn’t take you long to forget about user control.  Like you said, you made some mistakes while setting it up and even more with they way you handled them.  Of course, I’m assuming that Erick Schonfeld wasn’t lying in his Tech Crunch article.

It looks like 2010 was a pretty rough year for you.  I wonder what your private thoughts might have been when the Wall Street Journal reported that Facebook (and other social networks) divulged unique user IDs to advertisers.  I will admit that your op‑ed in the Washington Post was really interesting.  I especially liked the principles under which you operate.  Then in September you were faced with those 4000 old e‑mails, pictures, addresses and more.  You may have been right when you said that users are “dumb f**ks” for trusting you with their data.

That’s just been ancient Facebook history.  I’m not going to talk about how you denied that Facebook book influenced the 2016 election, followed by your remorse for those statements.  Luckily for you, many of the “dumb f**k” users know little about the Cambridge Analytical Scandal.  For years, you’ve done wrong and then asked for forgiveness while promising to do better.  It’s like I said at the top of the page, Mark, I just don’t believe you.

Thanks for reading.

Read full article |Leave a comment
Tags: ,
Categories: Whatchamacallit

Tiny Inventions III – Originally Published March 2019

March 3, 2019 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

I’m not giving up!  After all, I’ve only tried twice.  In June 2013, inspired by Google Glass, I wrote an article about what I thought would make me some extra spending money.  Even though I didn’t raise any money, I tried again in March 2017.  This month, I’m back with some more great ideas for things everyone can use.

I still can’t believe that the “Tiny Monocle” didn’t catch on.  It so outdid Google Glass.  I can say the same thing about the “Tiny Belt”, but I’m still not giving up on inventing the perfect wearable.  There are all kinds of smart watches, activity trackers, health care monitors, etc.  You can even buy smart clothing.  Technology has even invaded jewelry.  You can purchase smart watches, earrings, necklaces and a ring for your fingers or toes.

I can’t believe that no one but me as thought about inventing and marketing a smart nose ring.  I’ll call it the “noseTring”.  My noseTring would do many of the same things that other wearable technology does, only better.  Sleep tracking would be improved because the Tring would be much closer to the brain enabling better tracking of waves.  The best part of wearing a noseTring is that the embedded camera would take much better pictures of people.  After all, their eyes would be pointing directly at the wearer’s nose.

Another of my ideas that didn’t catch on was the “Tiny Pet Mouse Registry”.  The idea was to recycle old computer mice into official pets.  I would then make money by selling pet accessories.  I’m pretty sure the reason it wasn’t a success is because I picked the wrong item for a pet.  That’s why I’m going to introduce the “Tiny Old Phone Registry”.  Instead of trying to make money selling accessories, I’ll just charge a small annual fee.

Everyone I know has an old phone or two lying around somewhere.  Now they can put them to use and turn them into pet(s).  Members will register their new pets by the IMEI number and upload a picture of their new pet.  I’ll add it to the database and assign it a name.  Of course, one of my old phones would be the first pet.  My HTC TP2 would be named Tipi.

Artificial Intelligence (AI) bots are fast becoming the latest and greatest technology.  They are quickly taking over the world and anticipating what we humans will do.  That’s why I’m going to invent an “Artificial Stupidity System”.  This system will help people decide what is the stupidest thing they can do in any situation.  You might wonder why you would want to make stupid responses.  The answer is simple.  It will be perfect training for later years when you might be in a position of authority.  Don’t many business leaders and politicians constantly do and say stupid things?  Probably the best thing about my Artificial Stupidity System is that it would have a great acronym.

Don’t worry, I plan to share the millions that I will undoubtedly make from these ideas.  Thanks for reading.

Read full article |Leave a comment
Tags: ,
Categories: Whatchamacallit

Sometimes Technology Disappoints Me – Originally Published February 2019

February 3, 2019 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

Sometimes I get really disappointed with technology and technological advances.  For instance, twenty years ago when you purchased software, you would get software that worked from the time you installed it on your machine.  Major bugs were seldom found.  In this modern day, if you are lucky, you will get a product that actually does what you want without doing damage to your files.  Consumers are often reluctant to install updates because they might make it worse.  Since I’ve installed Windows 10 on all of my main production machines, I’ve developed a new habit.  I never check for updates.  I wait for Microsoft to force them on me.  When they do, I keep my fingers crossed that all major bugs have been fixed.

I’m writing this article somewhere out in the ocean.  The only option for internet access is from satellite.  It is a little pricey, but I’ve sold myself on the idea that I can’t live without it.  After all, I’ve got a newsletter to edit, articles to write for two computer clubs, websites to maintain, tech blogs to read, etc.  I do this every year and expect it to be pretty slow.  I’m sorry to report that it is not getting better.  This is the fourth year I’ve done this and I believe that it is the worst one so far.  I will be downloading a file or opening a website and it will be a fairly decent speed.  Then suddenly, it will drop to zero.  It is so slow that I haven’t been able to complete an on line speed test.  It keeps timing out.  This might be due to the ships’ WiFi configuration or lousy satellite service.  Either way, it is disappointing.

For years, I’ve been disappointed with USB cables, power cords and various other connection methods.  So many of these cables are compatible with only one device.  This is usually because manufacturers will change one or two pins and void compatibility with other devices.  I’ve even had phones made by the same company where the cable cannot be used.  The only instance I know of where this is not true is RJ Ethernet cables.  You can use the same cable on any computer with a jack.  Why can’t the other cables be less disappointing?

Speaking of incompatibility, tech companies have always disappointed me with their inability to just get along. Web browsers interpret HTML a little differently and a picture might not display correctly.  Word processors might change the formatting just enough so that your perfect document becomes an Ivory Soap one ‑ 99.9 percent pure.  Just try reading an amazon book on a competitors e‑book reader.  Next thing you know, if you have an iPhone, you’ll have a hard time getting texts from your friends with an Android phone.

I generally find that “Software as a Service” is usually disappointing. I guess I’m just to0 old and curmudgeonly to think that paying a monthly fee is a better deal than paying an up‑front total price.  I would much rather pay full price and know what I’m getting than pay a lower price forever and know that I’ll end up usually spending much more than the value.

It’s disappointing how so many things we purchase want to access my home network.  This is generally known as the Internet of Things (IOT).  Does your toothbrush really need to connect to the internet so that a company can collect data on how often you brush?  Will my life really be easier if the toilet lid automatically opens when I enter the bathroom.  I can see where some IOT tech would be useful.  For instance heat control, lighting, doorbells, etc. might save you some money on your utility bill.  The problem is that they might cost you more if someone uses them to break into your home network.

Speaking of hardware, isn’t it disappointing how tech companies announce the greatest innovations, but never seem to deliver them.  The folding phone is an excellent example.  It seems like we’ve been going to get one for the last five years or so.  I wonder what will be here first, a foldable phone or a roll‑up screen.  Oh well, at least the smart toilet is available.

I’ve had enough disappointment for this month.  Thanks for reading.

Read full article |Leave a comment
Tags: ,
Categories: Whatchamacallit

Cruising 2019 – Originally Published January 2019

January 19, 2019 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

It’s January again!  If you know the wife and I, you can probably guess where we are and what we’re doing.  We’re out on the ocean again.  I hated to go, but my wife dragged me along.  I was kicking and screaming.  Unfortunately, I was kicking and screaming because I had stubbed my big toe really hard.  It hurt almost as bad as when I look at the poor participation on the club website.

This year, I’m going to cut way back on the amount of tech I’ll be taking along.  I’ll definitely take my laptop as it just makes it easier to do things like my daily web browsing, the club newsletter, updating my various websites, etc.  Of course, I’ll be taking my tablet.  I’ve got a lot of book reading to catch up on.  I’m sure that I’ll also be playing “The Room”.  Finally, my phone is the device I use for magazine reading, audio books and some quick brain games.  Of course, I’ll also be taking a couple of sets of Bluetooth headphones, assorted cables and my power banks.  One of the most important things to remember is to bring a power strip.

Perhaps more notable is some of the tech that I won’t be taking along.  This year, I’m going to leave my camera bag behind.  My old Canon still takes better pictures than my pocket computer, but I just don’t take too many photos anymore.  I’ll be leaving my cable/adapters bag behind.  Other than a couple of USB cables, it just ends up being extra weight.  The one thing I haven’t decided on yet is whether I’ll bring my binoculars.  Usually, I bring them along and they just sit in the stateroom.  I’ll probably take them because of this year’s itinerary.

So where are we going?
• Cozumel, Mexico – this island is a staple for cruise ships. I think they all stop there.  I’ve been there so many times that I don’t think there is anything new to see.
• George Town, Grand Cayman Island – the capital of the Cayman Islands.  Yawn.
• Ocho Rios, Jamaica – this port is on the north coast of the island.  I’ve cruised to Jamaica quite a few times, but I don’t believe I’ve ever visited this town.
• Freeport, Grand Bahama – is another stop for most of the cruise ships.  There are some interesting things to see, but I probably won’t see them again.
• Nassau, Bahamas – is on of my favorite ports on the cruise circuit.  I think this is because of it’s abundant pirate and Royal Navy History.  Every time I visit here, I spend hours at the Pirate Museum.  I’m almost always the only one of the group to do so.  Last time I was in Nassau, I got a tattoo.
• George Town, Cayman Islands – yes, it is a repeat.  Our 28 day cruise is actually two seven day and one fourteen day cruise.  Double Yawn.
• Oranjestad, Aruba – is another nice island to visit.  I think I like this one mostly because of my Dutch heritage.
• Willemstad, Curacao – has lots of interesting things to see.  My favorite is the floating bridge.
• Panama Canal – the day I am most looking forward to this trip.  It will be my third time.  The first I was much younger on a Navy warship.  I didn’t get to see a lot because of having to work.  Years ago we took a Carnival cruise for a complete transit from the Atlantic to the Pacific.  This was one of the best trips that I have ever taken.  This time, we’re supposed to just transit the first set of locks into Gatun Lake and turn around.
• Puerto Limon, Costa Rica – I’ve only been here once and am looking forward to seeing it again.
• Cozumel, Mexico – so that everyone can do some last minute shopping.  I wonder if that tattoo parlor I went to about twelve years ago is still in business?

That’s all for this month.
Thanks for reading.

Read full article |Leave a comment
Tags: , ,
Categories: Whatchamacallit

My Annual Christmas Wish List – Originally Published December 2018

December 8, 2018 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

It’s that time of the year again.  When the holidays come around, I usually make a list to help my friends decide what to buy for me or their other techie pals.  I can hope the emphasis in that last sentence is on the word “me”.

If you buy this Toshiba 84‑inch Ultra HD smart LED television, your gift recipient will definitely have something to brag about.  Not only will they tell everyone about their smart TV, but you can be sure they will mention the giver.  Unfortunately, there is a small shipping charge of $1190.  That is relatively modest when you compare it to the product price of $115,299.99.

What computer geek on your list couldn’t use a 1.6TB SSD.  Why cheap out on a gift like this?  You can buy them a 10 pack for the low price of only $122,803.25 with free shipping.  Since you are saving money on shipping, you might want to throw in some drive mounting brackets.

Lets admit it.  Even technological people occasionally have to answer the call of nature.  Wouldn’t it be nice to enter the little room and have the toilet seat automatically open for you?  Did you know that if your business sometimes leaves an odor, you can have it deodorized?  Best of all, just think how much money your gift recipient will save on toilet paper.  The DXV Toilet will do all this for the low price of $4200.

If you don’t like shopping on Amazon, there are a lot of other web sites when you can fill your Christmas list.  Although I’m not an Apple user, I might change if someone would buy me this iPhone Diamond 4.  It will only set you back about eight million dollars.  I wonder if it comes with a protective case?

I’ve got to admit that I would rather have someone give me an Android phone this year.  I especially like this GoldVish Eclipse.  It even has some decent specifications.  The price is much more reasonable than an iPhone Diamond.  It is only 32,000 Euros (about $36,500).  For that low price someone could gift me two of them in case I drop one in the toilet.

If you read my October article, you already know that I bought a new desktop.  Now I need a new laptop for my occasional travels.  Lamborghini is well known for their quality automobiles, so it stands to reason that the Automobili Lamborghini VX7SX must be a pretty good machine.  After all it was really manufactured by Asus.  You might notice that there isn’t a price listed.  I’ve looked it up for you.  It retails for only $355,000.

Let’s face it.  No one will ever buy me any of those expensive toys.  Here are some suggestions for stuff I could really use.  I’m getting a little old and often find myself having to use the facilities in a hurry.  This survival kit would be really useful.  A book to read would also be nice.  It is starting to get cold in Louisiana.  My feet often get chilled.  I could always use another pair of socks.  Some candy canes are always a good Christmas gift.

Who the heck am I trying to kid?  No one is going to buy me any of the things in this article.  Maybe I can just get someone to buy me a tank of gas so I could drive to Lake Charles and attend the annual SWLAPCUG Christmas Party.

Thanks for reading.

Read full article |Leave a comment
Tags: , ,
Categories: Whatchamacallit
« Older Entries
Newer Entries »