Posts Tagged: ‘Humor’

Halloween Pranks (2020-10)

July 20, 2022 Posted by Tiny

Thoughts From a Clicker
By Tiny Ruisch

October has always been my favorite month of the year.  I’ve always enjoyed Halloween.  I guess it is probably because you can usually get away with a harmless prank or two.  I personally would never flip over an outhouse, unhinge a gate or let the air out of anyone’s car tires.

In this modern age, Halloween pranks almost beg to be played on someone’s computer.  Almost everyone uses a laser mouse these days.  They can be easily disabled with a small piece of clear tape on the sensor.  Most users won’t notice and will have a hard time figuring out why all of a sudden the mouse isn’t working.  You can confuse them even more by opening mouse properties in the control panel.  Changing the mouse speed to the slowest setting will make any mouse activities an ordeal.

Another prank that has been around forever can still confuse even a veteran computer user.  Simply take a screen shot of your victim’s computer.  Then hide all of the desktop icons and replace their wallpaper with the screen shot.  Sit back and watch them click on icons that won’t load a program.

Another quick prank is to open Google’s home page in a browser.  Click on preferences and change the default language.  You’d be surprised at how many people don’t know how to change it back.

Many users don’t know about sticky keys.  Sticky keys changes how the Ctrl, Alt, Shift and Windows Key function.  Keys are serialized instead of operating together.  For instance, instead of typing “Shift-a” to capitalize, you would have to type “Shift”, release the key and then type “a”.  This key change will drive unsuspecting victims crazy.  Sticky keys are enabled by pressing the “Shift” key five times in quick succession.

An evil prank that you should only play on someone that won’t beat you up is to cause their computer to shut down.  Right click on one of the icons on your victims desktop.  Type the following in the target box: %windir%\System32\shutdown.exe -s -f -t 100 -c “Your Message Here”.  Replace “Your Message Here” with whatever message you like.  I use something like “That does not compute so I am shutting down” or “I’m sleepy. I think I’ll shut down and rest now.”  Whenever your victim double clicks on that shortcut, their program will not start.  Instead, your message will display for 100 seconds (unless you change the number in the target box.)  Then the computer will shut down.

These Halloween computer pranks are all designed for the Windows operating system.  Although they are non­destructive, you run the risk of aggravating the user and making him or her possibly want to harm you.  Use them at your own risk.

It would be nice if you stick around and fix their computer for them afterword, but who am I to tell you what to do?

Thanks for reading and keep on clicking.

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Fun Things To Do on the Internet (2020-04)

July 13, 2022 Posted by Tiny

Thoughts From a Clicker
By Tiny Ruisch

I love going to a carnival.  I don’t go on many of the rides anymore, but I love all the fun things there are to do.  Unfortunately, carnivals can be pretty dangerous too.  There are always pickpockets who will steal everything they can.  We often hear of rides that injure people.  About the only thing that is really safe at a carnival is the healthy food you can buy.

The internet is a lot like a carnival.  Everyone knows about the dangers and we all keep our antivirus programs updated.  I know that all the Cajun Clickers club members have their router firmware updated.  Their firewalls are active to keep the bad guys away.  Since everyone is so safe, I thought that this month I’d talk about some fun things to do on the internet.  After all, many people are spending a lot more time at home trying to avoid the Coronavirus Disease (COVID-19).  It is keeping a lot of people at home with lots of spare time on their hands.

There are a lot of fun sites.  I know that everyone doesn’t have the same idea of what’s fun.  Maybe if I tell you about my favorite sites, you might find something entertaining.

One of the things you can find a lot of on the internet are free games to play.  If you’re looking for games to play, good place to start is Gizmo’s list of Best Free PC Games.  This site is updated often and all the games are free to play.  My personal favorite online game is Texas Hold’em Poker.  There are a lot of places to play, but you’ll usually find me at World Series Poker at AOL Games.  There are lots of online games on the site, but I haven’t played many of the others.  If you like to play hearts, I recommend you try the Microsoft Gaming Zone.  The Gaming Zone has been around for a while and they have lots of games.

I’ve never been much of a television or movie watcher, but I love to listen to the old time radio shows.  Most evenings I’m listening to The Lone Ranger, Gunsmoke, Jack Benny, or my personal favorite, Fibber McGee & Molly.  My network drive has about 21 GB of radio program files.  You can get them and many more at the Old Time Radio Internet Archive.

In December 1995, Bill Watterson retired from cartooning.  I lost my daily dose of one of the funniest cartoons ever.  Now, thanks to the internet, I can still read Calvin & Hobbes everyday.  You can find a daily comic you’ll like at GOCOMICS, Comics Kingdom or ArcaMax Publishing.  None of the comics sites require registration.

“The Alphabet has been Updated with 15 Exciting New Letters” is only one of the funny satires you’ll find in The Onion.  This fictional, satire paper started in 1988.  They’ve been around more than twenty years, so they must be doing something right.  Their news stories seem so genuine that they have occasionally been cited as real.  I’ve got to warn you though.  There is often adult language used in the paper.  Another satire site I like is the Babylon Bee.  For a great description, check out their About Us page.

I’ll show my age a little. I don’t mind being called a “senior” because it usually includes a 10 percent discount.  If you like senior citizen humor, you also might like to check out Geezer Guff.

As you might or might not know, I’m a transplanted Northerner.  When I talk with my brother and sisters on Facebook, I usually translate into Southern for them.  Everybody gets a few laughs.  Translating into a dialect is easy when you use The Dialectizer.  As I write this you can convert into nine different dialects.  It hardly ever fails to make me laugh.

Here is a sample:
As y’all might o’ might not know, I’m a transplanted No’therner.  When ah talk wif mah brother an’ sisters on Facebook, ah usually translate into Southern fo’ them, dawgone it.  Ev’rybody gits a few laughs.  Translatin’ into a dialeck is easy when yo’ use Th’ Dialeckizer.  As ah write this hyar yo’ kin cornvaht into nine diffrunt dialecks.  It hardly evah fails t’make me laugh.

That’s just a few of the things I like to do on the internet for fun.  I hope you enjoyed them too and found a new site you’ll visit often.  Do you have a favorite place you think everyone should know about?  Let me know and it could become a topic for the new Internet SIG group I’m starting.

Thanks for reading and keep on clicking.

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Predictions (2020-01)

July 12, 2022 Posted by Tiny

Thoughts From a Clicker
By Tiny Ruisch

Happy New Year!  It’s that time again for everyone to make their annual predictions about what will happen in the future.  Not me.  You all should know by now how I am usually a little different.  After all, people with much more intelligence than me can probably predict the future with much more accuracy than I could ever hope to achieve.
For instance, the following prediction: “There is not the slightest indication that nuclear energy will ever be obtainable.  It would mean that the atom would have to be shattered at will.”  This prediction was made in 1932 by none other than Albert Einstein.

Is there anyone who hadn’t heard about Steve Jobs predictions on a stylus pen, smaller tablets and larger phones?  That puts him in the same league as Thomas Watson, IBM chairman in 1943, when he said there was a world market for maybe five computers.  IBM predictions improved in 1959 when they told Xerox that the world potential for copying machines was about 5000.

There are many other examples of brilliant people making the similar types of “accurate” predictions.  In 2005 Steve Chen, the co‑founder of YouTube claimed that the platform couldn’t survive.  He said, “There’s just not that many videos that people want to watch.”  A year earlier, Bill Gates predicted that the SPAM e‑mail problem would be solved within two years.  He also stated that his company, Microsoft, would never make a 32 bit operating system.

I could go on and on for pages about other people who made tech predictions that didn’t quite come true.  How about these other predictions?:
1) Subsidized cell phones will continue to decline and maybe even join floppy disks in the “I remember when” category.
2) Smart watches pass out of the what is it good for stage and replace cell phones the same way that automobiles replaced the horse and buggy.
3) Windows 7 will hang on as long as XP did.
4) Apple will invent wireless charging.
5) 3D television will make a comeback.

In case you might be interested, those are all predictions that I made in an article I wrote for my website in January 2016.  You can see that my accuracy isn’t any worse (or better).

I’ll only make a few predictions for this year: 2020 will feature some great Cajun Clicker computer club meetings, a lot of discussion classes available for sign‑up on the club’s web site.  There will be two Cajun Clickers socials.

Thanks for reading.

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‘Twas (2019-12)

July 12, 2022 Posted by Tiny

‘Twas
By Tiny Ruisch

Without any apologies to Clement Clarke Moore

‘Twas eleven days before Christmas, when all through the city
Not a Cajun was stirring, it was such a pity.
At the Broadmoor gym there was a great party,
Even Tiny was there. He was such a smarty.

The members had brought food and good stuff to eat,
And the club provided drinks and even some meat.
The room was decorated with ribbons and stuff,
Everyone thought it looked great sure enough.

President Pat was in such a good mood,
That she told all the members to start eating the food.
When out in the parking lot there arose such a clatter,
Everyone quieted down and stopped all their chatter.

Then I glanced at my tablet and what did I see?
A spritely little man, just as plain as could be.
With a little old driver, in charge of the kernel,
I knew in a moment it had to be Cal.

More rapid than alligators his cursors they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
“Now Barney! Now Inez! Now, Paul and Phil!
On, Juanita! On, Faye! On Richard and Bill!

To the top of the hard drive! Across the monitor display!
We’ve got to get moving on Florida Boulevard right away!
Turn the corner by Broadmoor, the Presbyterian church,
If you can’t find the gym, do an internet search.

Cal didn’t do any talking but went straight to his chore.
Of passing out the prizes the numbers called for.
And then Chandan recovered the use of her jaws,
And asked in a whisper, “Is that really Cal Claus?”

Everyone laughed as the party came to a close,
Then wondered if this story might be too verbose.
If you’re reading this in the newsletter, the Editor decided all right.
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!”

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Over-Technologied in the Hospital (2021-07)

June 25, 2021 Posted by Tiny

Thoughts From a Clicker

By Tiny Ruisch

Way back in November of 2010, I invented a new computing term.  I can’t believe that it hasn’t caught on.  Over‑technologied is a name that I made up to describe a situation where technology is used either unnecessarily, stupidly, inadequately or in some other silly manner.  I think that people who have the latest, greatest, newest technology and then don’t know how to use it are extremely over‑technologied.  I made up the word, so I guess I can make up the definition.

I recalled this article during my recent four day stay at the hospital.  I was in a lot of pain, flat on my back and needing lots of rest to recover.  For most of the visit, I had three separate IV tubes attached.  Intravenous Line technology has sure changed.  I remember when the nurse would attach the tube and start the medicine.  Every hour or so, someone would check to see if the drip was still working and replace the bag if necessary.

Now we have fancy technology to control the IV flow.  It is a small box that monitors the drip.  If the bag empties or there is a problem with the tube, an extremely loud alarm starts beeping.  It was very loud and reminded me of that old saying about “waking the dead.”   This sounds like a great system.  Unfortunately, there were a few problems.  More than one time, I fell asleep and moved my arm into the wrong position.  The machine would sound the alarm and wake me up.  It would usually stop before the nurse could come in to check.  I think that it was a great example of over‑technology.

Hospital beds have improved so much that they have become over‑technologied.  They have buttons that allow you to adjust them to every conceivable position.  I had a hard time figuring out how to just make it go flat like a bed.  When an aide wheeled me to an MRI scan, the bed wouldn’t fit in the elevator.  He pushed one of the adjustment buttons and the bed got shorter.  Luckily, after waking up back in the room, the nurse knew how to re‑extend the bed.  I didn’t have to spend the rest of my time in the hospital with my knees bent.

As a diabetic, I’ve become accustomed to checking my glucose level.  I use a meter that is just a little larger than an Oreo cookie.  The meter used in the hospital was a little larger.  About the size of a large paper‑back book, it had a lot of room for electronics.  It worked the same way with a standard test strip.  Before taking my glucose, the machine was used to scan my wrist band.  I never asked, but I assumed that the reason for all the technology in the meter was for record keeping purposes.  The machine might not have been over‑technologied, but it sure doesn’t seem to need many updates to become so.

Even with all the medical technology, the doctors haven’t been able to identify what caused my medical problem.  I don’t have to worry though. I’ve been scheduled to visit many specialists and take several tests.  I’m pretty sure that I’ll have more chances to see some medical over‑technology.  Meanwhile, I’m feeling much better with plenty of old-fashioned bed rest, chicken soup, liquids, etc.  Maybe I just need a mustard poultice.

Thanks for reading and keep on clicking.

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Goodbye Adobe Flash

January 3, 2021 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

Without any apologies to Shakespeare, I bid farewell to Adobe Flash.

Alas, poor Flash!  I knew it, dear readers: a program
of infinite errors, of most excellent fantasy: it hath
crashed my computer a thousand times; and now, how
scorned in my imagination it is!  my mind rims at
it.  Here hung those updates that I have missed I know
not how oft.  Where be your mockers now?  your
erratic installs?  your songs?  your flashes of merriment,
that were wont to set the monitor on a roar?  Not one
now, to mock your own smirking?  quite chip-fallen?
Now get you to my recycle bin, and tell everyone, let
her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must
come; make her laugh at that.

Last month Adobe retired their multimedia software platform used for production of animations, Rich web applications, desktop applications, mobile apps, mobile games and embedded web browser video players.  Flash got its start as SmartSketch, a vector drawing application.  This was later morphed into a new program, FutureSplash Animator.  This was the software that was used to launch the animated TV series “The Simpsons”.

In 1996, Macromedia purchased FutureSplash and re­‑branded it as the Macromedia Flash Player.  Over the years, there were several improvements to the software.  This led to a period where almost all web sites used Flash in some way.  Many were programmed totally in Flash.

Macromedia was acquired by Adobe in 2005.  The entire Macromedia product line including Flash, Dreamweaver, Director, Shockwave, Fireworks and Authorware were renamed to Adobe.  Many say this is when the Flash Player started its downward trend.  In 2010, Steve Jobs banished it from the iPhone for being too insecure.  In reality, Flash became a prime target for hackers.  Adobe was constantly patching bugs, a process which often created new ones.  In 2017, Adobe announced the End Of Life for Flash would be December 2020.

Adobe Flash had a life of fifteen years.  In technology years, that is a fairly long time.  In “Flash” years, not so much.  The Flash first appeared in comic books in 1940.  He’s been around in movies, television, games and other media since then.  Flash Gordon debuted in 1934.  Although he has spent a lot of time lost in outer space, he has also often been resurrected in movies and TV.  Not too many people remember Flash Thompson.  He was a character in the early years of Spider Man.  He also made several appearances in later years.

As a matter of full disclosure, I must admit that I won’t miss Adobe Flash.  I haven’t allowed it on any of my machines for about four years.  I for one, hope that it never gets a new life

Thanks for reading.

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Santa and Covid

December 11, 2020 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

Could it be that all of this Covid stuff was started by Santa Claus?  I got to wondering about this the other day when I started reading news stories that the little kiddies won’t be allowed to climb up on his lap this year.  After so many years of little monsters pulling his beard and peeing on him, I can see why he might do something drastic to change things.

Could it be that this isn’t the first time Santa has done some evil that has been blamed on something else.  After all, who else do we know that uses red as a primary color?  How do we know that those big, baggy pants aren’t really just needed to hide a tail.  Same way with his hat.  How do we know it isn’t just covering a couple of horns.  Are there any other names that “Santa” anagrams to?  Has anyone ever seen Santa and that other guy together at the same time?

Doesn’t it strike you as odd that “Covid” has the exact same number of letters that “Santa” does?  Even more strange is the fact the Santa’s real name, “Kris Kringle” also has the same amount of letters as Covid’s real name, “coronavirus”.  This is obviously by design.

Want more proof that Santa is the cause of this virus?
• Do an internet search and you will find thousands of articles about people who have proven that the virus isn’t real.  The only people that think Santa Claus is real are young children.
• Santa relies on people to deliver gifts from person to person to spread his evilness.  The virus relies on people to transfer it from person to person.
• As far as I know, the virus is neither a he or a she.  I’ve seen some articles that argue that Santa might be either.
• There’s a lot about the Covid we don’t understand.  The same is true for Santa.
• Santa likes both boys and girls.  He doesn’t care who he infects with Christmas cheer.  The virus also doesn’t care who gets infected.
• There is a lot about the coronavirus we don’t understand.  There’s a lot about Santa we don’t understand.
• Many parents in their leadership roles tell their children that Santa doesn’t exist.  Many politicians have done the same with Covid.
• Both Santa and the virus seem to be everywhere.

I’ve probably bored you enough.  I could go on for pages about how Santa and Covid are the same.  After all, Santa does have a funny looking nose that is eerily similar to the virus shape.  I’m going to start working on an article proving that Santa is a woman.

Thanks for reading.

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Skool Dayze

September 6, 2020 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

With the COVID-19 pandemic in raging at full speed, there are a lot of changes in everyday activities.  All of my computer clubs and submarine veterans meeting are being held on‑line.  About the only time I ever leave my apartment is to dump the trash and check the mail.  With almost every thing being done electronically, the mail usually increases the amount of trash.  This is just another one of life’s little circles.

One of the biggest changes is in schooling.  Livingston Parish, like many other school districts, has shifted to on‑line instruction.  My youngest grandson is starting his Freshman year.  He is one of the students.  The school has issued him a thirteen inch Dell laptop.  I would describe him has being almost home schooled.

His parents live in the country.  Their internet service is via satellite.  He’s convinced his parents that he should come to Grandpa’s to do his schooling.  After all, he needs fast internet.  That does make sense, doesn’t it?

It only took me a few hours to realize that there was a tiny amount of smoke being blown into the air in the direction of my rear end.  It turns out that it is much more difficult to do farm chores when you aren’t at the farm.

I’ve written before about why he likes to visit.  He doesn’t come to see me.  He likes to play games and comes to visit my desktop computer.  When he is here, I am usually relegated to using my laptop.  It really isn’t a problem, except when I’m writing or coding.  I mostly miss having a full size keyboard.  The extra monitors are also nice.

So far, the typical Grandpa School Day starts with a student drop off around seven in the morning.  This is dependent on whether Mom or Dad is driving the school bus.  The classroom is in a bedroom.  His desk is a fold‑able card table.  His text books are stacked on the clothes dresser.  So far, the school uniform has been t‑shirt and shorts.

Class starts at eight.  So far, I don’t think there as been a lot of actual teacher to student instruction.  Mostly it seems to be assigning worksheets.  To be honest, I haven’t paid a lot of attention.

The first day, I told him that I was going open my router settings and block YouTube during school hours.  That turned out not to be feasible.  Blocking YouTube meant that I couldn’t watch Rawhide, Have Gun Will Travel, The Rifleman and many of my other favorite old time TV shows.

I’ve been attending a lot of Zoom meetings. This has caused an occasional conflict of interests.  I won’t let him use the desktop.  I’m not giving up my good camera and microphone.  Student break to play a game or Grandpa club meetings.  I’ll let you guess who wins in this situation.

So far, the best thing about home schooling at Grandpa’s house is that Grandpa got an idea for an article to write.
Thanks for reading.

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Tiny Inventions IV – Originally Published May 2020

May 5, 2020 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

I’m still not a millionaire.  Back in June 2013, I thought for sure one of my Tiny Inventions would be picked up for production.  Tiny Inventions II in March 2017 didn’t do any better, so I tried again in March 2019 with Tiny Inventions III.  You would think that I should have learned by now.

I haven’t so here are some more of my ideas for inventions to make those big bucks.
1) Battery technology has really advanced in recent years.  The problem is that they still have to be recharged.  You need to always carry cables, battery packs, solar chargers, etc.  The Tinarger will solve this problem.  This small device is a dongle that will connect to the phones USB port.  Simply speaking into the Tinarger will active a mini‑wind turbine to recharge the device.  Hot air blowhards can finally put their talent to a good use.

2) The Tinoilet is a modification to a standard toilet that will replace the flushing mechanism.  The tank lid that is usually used for storing odd things like decorative soaps will be replaced with a hand washing sink.  After using the toilet, users would wash their hands under running water that fills the tank.  When the users hands are cleaned, the waste wash water will then flush the Tinoilet.

3) Speaking of bathrooms, don’t you hate it when the mirror fogs and you have to wipe it with a towel?  The TinyWiper will solve that problem.  It works like a standard car windshield wiper and is powered by a small battery that is automatically recharged by light from bathroom fixtures.

4) The TinyMill is a needed exercise device.  Many doctors recommend walking.  Unfortunately, walking can be bad for your knees.  The TinyMill is a large tub with a revolving surface.  You can walk and soak at the same time.

5) The Tinife is an electrically heated knife with multiple settings and uses.  You can replace your toaster by toasting the bread while you slice it.  If you use pre-sliced bread, simply rub the Tinife over the slice.  If you’re slicing meat, you can warm it at the same time.  Hard butter pats are no longer a problem.  They melt as you spread.  The best feature is that the Tinife sanitizes itself.

I sure hope that someone will take my ideas and put them on the market.  I could use the money.  I’m also running out of ideas.

That’s all for this month.  Thanks for reading.

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Christmas Gag Gifts – Originally Published December 2019

December 8, 2019 Posted by Tiny

A Pain in the Whatchamacallit
By Tiny Ruisch

Bah!  Humbug!  It’s that time of the year again.  The retailers want us to spend all of our hard earned nickels on lots of things that we don’t really need.  About the only difference in the holiday season every year is that it usually seems to start earlier and earlier.  This year, I saw my first Christmas display on labor day.  I’m expecting the 2020 season to start around the Fourth of July.  Every year, I’ve got to listen to some novelty song about five zillion times.  I’m just happy that Grandma doesn’t get run over by a reindeer as often as she used to.

There is one thing that I do look forward to every year.  The SWLAPCUG has a Christmas party.  The White Elephant exchange of gifts is always a fun time.  There is usually the “one” gift that everyone tries to get.  This year I thought I’d help out the club members selecting that “perfect” gift to bring.

This Bluetooth Beanie Hat will replace your your headset or ear pods and will keep your head warm at the same time.  I can think of multiple uses for this.  I’d probably wear it a lot when I’m sitting in my easy chair.

The Official BS Button would get a lot of use in many of the places that I go to.  The only problem is that it could cost me a small fortune to buy replacement batteries.

ThxToms Flashlights Gloves would be a good gift for somebody.  I’m not sure who, but somebody.

This 32gb thumb drive is pretty thumby.

Sometimes the Gift Box can be better than the gift.

See y’all on December 9.
Thanks for reading.

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